Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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