His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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