so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
