Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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