is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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