No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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