He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Vodka?
Forever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
