Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
