Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
