You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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