Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
