I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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