stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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