I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
