So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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