At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
