Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
