Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
