I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
