i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
