Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
