I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was born a porn star she said
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
