if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
