I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
