On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
