I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it glows. i had to have it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
