Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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