lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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