Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
