Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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