Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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