that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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