let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
