why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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