Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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