the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
