and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
