If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
