Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
