is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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