I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
