I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
