I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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