Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
