Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
