You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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