can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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