So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
