I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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