i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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