I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
