Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
