he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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