you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
