i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
