i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize