I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
