A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
the raccoons are back...
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