just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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