all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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