There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
