she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
