did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
