Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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