Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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