im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Houston, we have a blender
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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