I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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