Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
