Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
