I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
