Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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