someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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