Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.