you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.