To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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