the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"