so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
