I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
sex in a hospital.. check
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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