So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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