Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
