the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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