see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
